Little Johnny Continues to Wave His Hand and All the More Urgently
Prince John: And why should the people listen to you?
Robin Hood: Because, unlike some other Robin Hoods, I can speak with an English accent.
[referring to the then recent blockbuster Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, in which Kevin Costner played the role with an American accent]
Robin Hood: As my first order of business, I would like to appoint a new Sheriff... my friend Ahchoo.
Crowd: A black sheriff?
Blinkin: He's black?
Ahchoo: And why not? It worked in Blazing Saddles.
Robin Hood: I lost. I lost? Wait a second, I'm not supposed to lose. Let me see the script.
Prince John: Such an unusual name, "Latrine." How did your family come by it?
Latrine: We changed it in the 9th century.
Prince John: You mean you changed it TO "Latrine"?
Latrine: Yeah. Used to be "Shithouse."
Prince John: It's a good change. That's a good change!
Merry Men: [singing] We're men / We're men in tights / We roam around the forest looking for fights / We're men / We're men in tights / We rob from the rich and give to the poor / That's right! / We may look like sissies / But watch what you say / Or else we'll put out your lights / We're men / We're men in tights / Always on guard / Defending the people's rights / We're men / Manly men! / We're men in tights / Yes! / We roam around the forest looking for fights / We're men / We're men in tights / We rob from the rich and give to the poor / That's right! / We may look like pansies / But don't get us wrong / Or else we'll put out your lights / We're men / We're men in tights / *Tight tights* / Always on guard / Defending the people's rights / When you're in a fix / Just call for the men in tights / We're butch!
Blinkin: Oh Master Robin!
[hugging a replica statue of the Venus de Milo]
Blinkin: You lost your arms in battle! But you grew some nice boobs.
Robin Hood: Blinkin, I'm over here.
Maid Marian: I've come to warn you, Prince John and Rottingham have hired men to kill you at the fair tomorrow. You musn't go.
Robin Hood: Well, that's easy. I won't.
Maid Marian: Oh, I'm so happy! They were going to try to lure you there by having an archery contest.
Robin Hood: An archery contest?
Maid Marian: Their archer is unbeatable.
Robin Hood: Really?
Maid Marian: Robin, promise you won't go.
Robin Hood: All right, I promise you won't go.
Maid Marian: Thank you.
[stops for a second, confused]
Ahchoo: But wait a minute, Robin, didn't you just...
Robin Hood: Cool it...
Ahchoo: Chilled.
Robin Hood: You are entering the territory of Robin Hood and his Merry Men.
Rabbi Tuckman: Faygeles?
[clears their throats, trying to act macho]
Robin Hood: No, no. We're straight. Just... merry.
Rabbi Tuckman: As I. And who are you, with the exceptionally long feather in your hat?
Robin Hood: I am Robin of Loxley.
Rabbi Tuckman: Robin of Loxley? I've just come from Maid Marian, the woman whose heart you've stolen, you prince of thieves, you! I knew her parents before they were taken in the plague, Lord and Lady Bahgel. You know, you two were made for each other. I mean, what a combination. Loxley and Bahgel! It can't miss!
Ahchoo: Hey Blinkin.
Blinkin: Did you say 'Abe Lincoln'?
Ahchoo: No, I didn't say 'Abe Lincoln', I said 'Hey Blinkin.' Hold the reins, man.
[Robin tries to jump on his horse and falls]
Ahchoo: Man, white men can't jump.
Sheriff of Rottingham: Sire, I have news!
Prince John: And what sort of news do you have? It's not bad news, is it? You know I can't take bad news. The day started out so good. I had a good night's sleep, I had a good B.M. I don't want to hear any bad news. So, what kind of news is it?
Sheriff of Rottingham: Well, to be perfectly frank, it's bad.
Prince John: [shouts] I knew it! I knew it would be bad news. Wait, I have an idea. Maybe if you tell me the *bad* news in a *good* way, it wouldn't sound so bad.
Sheriff of Rottingham: [thinking] The bad news in a good way. Yes, I can do that. The bad news in a good way. Well, here it goes.
[hysterically]
Sheriff of Rottingham: W-wait till you hear this! I just saw Robin of Locksley, he's back from the crusades.
[laughs]
Sheriff of Rottingham: You know, he just beat the *crap* out of me and my men.
[laughs]
Sheriff of Rottingham: He hates you and he loves your brother, Richard!
[laughs]
Sheriff of Rottingham: And...
[laughs]
Sheriff of Rottingham: ... he wants to see you hanged!
[laughs]
Sheriff of Rottingham: We, we're in a lot of trouble!
[laughs and snorts loudly]
Prince John: [furious] What, are you crazy? Why are you laughing? This is terrible news!
[Blinkin, the blind man, is up in a perch looking out for strangers]
Robin Hood: Blinkin! What are you doing?
Blinkin: Guessing. I guess no one's coming.
Sheriff of Rottingham: [taking off his leather glove and slapping Robin with it] I challenge you to a duel.
Robin Hood: [picking an iron gauntlet up from the dinner table and smacking Rottingham across the face with it, knocking him down] I accept!
[preparing to ravish Maid Marian]
Sheriff of Rottingham: A chastity belt! That's going to chafe my willy!
Ahchoo: [after Blinkin catches an arrow] Blinkin! How did you do that?
Blinkin: I heard that coming a mile away.
Robin Hood: Right-o, Blinkin, very good.
Blinkin: Pardon? Who's talking?
Angry Villager: There must be another way of doing the credits.
Fire Marshal: That's right. Every time they make a Robin Hood movie, they burn our village down!
Little John: Let me introduce you to my best friend: Will Scarlet.
Scarlet: Scarlet's my middle name. My full name is Will Scarlet O'Hara.
[pause]
Scarlet: We're from Georgia.
Scarlet: Blinkin! Fix your boobs; you look like a bleedin' Picasso!
Ahchoo: [standing by a creek as Robin is about to fight Little John to cross the bridge] Look, Robin, you don't have to do this. I mean, this ain't exactly the Mississippi. I'm on one side, I'm on the other side. I'm on the east bank, I'm on the west bank. It's not that critical.
Robin Hood: Not the point. It's the principle of the thing.
Ahchoo: Nice knowing you.
Robin Hood: Kindly let me pass.
Little John: Uh, no. Sorry, but a toll is a toll, and a roll is a roll, and if we don't get no tolls, then we don't eat no rolls.
[Proudly]
Little John: I made that up.
Robin Hood: It's very fascinating. But I'm afraid I'm going to have to hurt you.
[Robin and Ahchoo are fighting royal soldiers]
Ahchoo: Time out! Sorry bad guys, but I am running out of air. Gotta get pumped.
[Ahchoo pumps his sneakers]
Ahchoo: OK honkies. Time in!
[after falling from a tree]
Blinkin: I can see!
[runs right into another tree]
Blinkin: Nope, I was wrong.
King Richard: [taking Prince John's crown] You are no longer worthy to wear this sacred symbol of authority.
Prince John: Oh please have mercy on me, brother. It wasn't my fault. I got some really bad advice from Rottingham.
Crowd: [coughs] Bullshit! Bullshit!
King Richard: Brother, you have surrounded your given name with a foul stench!
[to the crowd]
King Richard: From this day forth, all the toilets in the kingdom shall be known as... johns!
Crowd: [cheers]
Prince John: NOOOOOOOOOOO!
King Richard: Take him away! Put him in the Tower of London! Make him part of the tour.
Abbot: We are here to witness the marriage, of Mervin, the Sheriff of...
[crowd snickers]
Abbot: Mervin? Your name is Mervin?
Sheriff of Rottingham: [over crowd laughing] Shut up! Shut up!
Abbot: OK... Mervin.
[crowd starts laughing again]
Little John: Let's face it. You've gotta be a man to wear tights!
Sheriff of Rottingham: This is a stealth catapult, we've been working on it secretly for months. It can hurl one of these heavy boulders undetected, over a hundred yards, completely destroying anything in its path.
Prince John: Wow! How's it work?
Sheriff of Rottingham: It's rather simple. You get one of these heavy boulders, put it here where I'm sitting, and then pull on that lever.
Prince John: Like this?
[John pulls the lever and flings Mervin into the air]
Sheriff of Rottingham: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!
Latrine: [praying by her bed in her boudoir] Oh dear Lord, if you see fit to send me my one true love...
[the Sheriff crashes through the roof and lands on the bed]
Latrine: [looks up and grins] Thank you!
[starts to climb on top of the Sheriff]
Latrine: Oh my god! Oh my god!
Sheriff of Rottingham: [struggles] No! No! I have a headache!
[runs away]
Latrine: OH BUGGER!
[breaks the fourth wall]
Latrine: I was *that* close! I touched it.
Sheriff of Rottingham: This was to be a "private" meeting... I mean, who are these men?
Don Giovanni: These? These are my most trusted associates. On my right, Dirty Ezio. On my left, Filthy Luca.
Filthy Luca: [Stands Up] We thank you, for inviting us on the day of your daughter's wedding.
Don Giovanni: No, no, no.
Filthy Luca: I hope that her first child, is a masculine child.
Don Giovanni: Shut up! We haven't even had our meeting yet!
Filthy Luca: ...Oh yeah.
[sits down]
Rabbi Tuckman: I am Rabbi Tuckman, purveyor of sacramental wine and moyel extraordinaire.
Merry Men: 'ello Rabbi!
Rabbi Tuckman: Hello boys!
Robin Hood: A moyel. I don't believe I've ever heard of that profession.
Rabbi Tuckman: A moyel is a very important guy. He makes circumcisions.
Scarlet: What, pray tell, sir, is a circumcision?
Rabbi Tuckman: It's the latest craze. The ladies love it!
Little John: I'll take one!
Ahchoo: Hey, put me down for two!
Robin Hood: I'm game. How's it done?
Rabbi Tuckman: It's a snap.
[demonstrates with a carrot and a miniature guillotine]
Rabbi Tuckman: I take my machine here, I take your little thing, I put it through this hole, and then...
[releases the blade, cutting the end off the carrot]
Rabbi Tuckman: I nip the tip! Who's first?
[groans from the Merry Men]
Little John: I changed me mind!
Ahchoo: I forgot, I already got one.
Blinkin: [puts his hand in the air] Question...
[Ahchoo pulls his arm down silencing him]
Rabbi Tuckman: I gotta start working with a younger crowd.
[Robin crashes Prince John's party, and slams a wild pig on the table]
Sheriff of Rottingham: That's a wild boar!
Robin Hood: No, no. That's a wild pig.
[Robin points at Prince John]
Robin Hood: *That's* a wild bore.
Robin Hood: Goodbye, my dearest.
[waves]
Robin Hood: Toodle-oo. Au revoir. Auf Wiedersehen. Ciao. Ding dow dai.
Robin Hood: And who might you be?
Little John: Oh, they call me "Little John".
Little John: [Suddenly becomes very concerned] But... but don't let my name fool you! In real life, I'm very *big*.
Robin Hood: I'll take your word for it.
[Broomhilde prepares to jump on horse from the balcony]
Horse: [makes loud noise and shakes head]
subtitle: She's got to be kidding!
[Ahchoo has released Robin from a noose]
Robin Hood: Nice shooting, Ahchoo.
Ahchoo: To tell you the truth, I was aiming for the Hangman.
Guard: Robin of Loxley, where is your king?
Robin Hood: King? King? And which King might that be? King Richard? King Louis? King Kong? Larry King?
Abbot: I will perform the opening prayer in the New Latin. Oh ordlay, ivethgay usway ouryay essingsblay. Amen-ay!
Crowd: AMEN-AY!
Prince John: Tell everyone that when the day is out we shall have a wedding. Or a hanging. Either way, we're gonna have a lot of fun, huh?
Robin Hood: [carrying Marian to the bed] Oh my darling, at last.
Maid Marian: [sliding his hand to the key to unlock her chastity belt] Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!
Broomhilde: [rushes into the room] NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Robin Hood: [groans]
Broomhilde: You are not married yet! Before you do it, you must go through it! Or else I blew it.
Sheriff of Rottingham: Don Giovanni, if I may say so, your lizard looks limp.
Don Giovanni: [holding lizard] Yeah, well, when you get to be my age... Oh! My lizard! Oh yeah!
[Pre-movie Rap]
Sherwood Forest Rapper-Dancer: [rapping] Yo, yo, yo!
All Sherwood Forest Rapper-Dancers: Check it out!
Sherwood Forest Rapper-Dancer: Prince John and the Sherrif, they was runnin' the show/raisin' the taxes 'cause they needed the dough/a reign of terror took over the land/ they were shakin' down the people just to beat the band I said hey.
All Sherwood Forest Rapper-Dancers: Hey!
Sherwood Forest Rapper-Dancer: I said hey!
All Sherwood Forest Rapper-Dancers: Hey!
Sherwood Forest Rapper-Dancer: I said...
All Sherwood Forest Rapper-Dancers: Hey nonny-nonny and a ho ho ho.
Sherwood Forest Rapper-Dancer: The people weren't happy, morale was low/ they had no place to turn to, there was nowhere to go/ they needed a hero, but no one could be found/ 'cause Robin Hood was out of town I said hey.
All Sherwood Forest Rapper-Dancers: Hey!
Sherwood Forest Rapper-Dancer: I said hey!
All Sherwood Forest Rapper-Dancers: Hey!
Sherwood Forest Rapper-Dancer: I said...
All Sherwood Forest Rapper-Dancers: Hey nonny-nonny and a ho ho ho.
Sherwood Forest Rapper-Dancer: He was put into the slammer by his Arab foe/ and in a little while he would be no mo' I said hey!
All Sherwood Forest Rapper-Dancers: Hey!
Sherwood Forest Rapper-Dancer: I said hey!
All Sherwood Forest Rapper-Dancers: Hey!
Sherwood Forest Rapper-Dancer: I said...
All Sherwood Forest Rapper-Dancers: Hey nonny-nonny. Hey nonny-nonny. Hey nonny-nonny and a whoa, whoa, who. Check it out.
Robin Hood: Rabbi, you seem to be on the side of good. Will you come and share with us some of your wisdom, some of your council, and perhaps... some of your wine?
[Merry Men snicker]
Rabbi Tuckman: Wisdom and council, that's easy. But this is sacrimental wine! It's only used to bless things.
Merry Men: Awwwww...
Rabbi Tuckman: [pauses] Wait a minute! There's things here! There's rocks, there's trees, there's birds, there's squirrels. Come on, we'll bless them all until we get vashnigyered
[drunk]
Rabbi Tuckman: Join me!
Robin Hood: Let's hear it for the Rabbi!
Merry Men: [Cheer]
Robin Hood: Oh, my darling, I'm ready for that kiss now.
Maid Marian: But first, I must warn you. It could only be a kiss. For I am a virgin and could never... go all the way.
Robin Hood: But...
Maid Marian: Unless I were married. Or if a man pledged his endless love to me.
Robin Hood: Yes...
Maid Marian: Or if I knew that he desperately cared for me. Or if he were really cute!
Ahchoo: What part of Georgia you from? South Central?
Angry Villagers: LEAVE US ALONE, MEL BROOKS!
Sheriff of Rottingham: I was angry at you before Loxley, but now I'm really pissed off!
Ahchoo: Pissed off? If I was that close to a horse's wiener I'd be worrying about being pissed on!
Robin Hood: Good people, who have travelled from villages near and far! Lend me your ears!
Robin Hood: [Crowd proceeds to pull off ears and throw them at Robin]
Robin Hood: That's disgusting!
Maid Marian: Oh, darling, don't despair! For it is written on a scroll: "One day, he, who is destined for me, shall be endowed with a magical key, that will bring an end to my... virginity."
Robin Hood: Oh, Marian, if only 'twere me.
Maid Marian: Oh, if 'twere you, 'twould be... twerrific.
[Rottingham slices off Robin's necklace, sending his key flying. The key falls into the lock of Marian's chastity belt]
Robin Hood: It is the key to the greatest treasure in all the land!
Maid Marian: This means you've always been my one true love because it's just the right size!
Sheriff of Rottingham: It's not the size that counts... It's how you use it!
[Sheriff of Rottingham carries a screaming Maid Marian to a tower of his castle]
Ahchoo: [to Robin] The Sheriff! He's got your woman, man! He's gonna deflower her in the tower! Ugh!
Robin Hood: [fighting the Sheriff of Rottingham's men] Watch my back!
Ahchoo: [literally leaning over and watching his back] Your back just got punched twice.
Robin Hood: Thank you!
Ahchoo: Let's get out of this ladies clothing and get into our tights!
Ahchoo: Hey man, tough room... why don't you let me give it a try.
Ahchoo: [Puts on a pair of glasses]
Ahchoo: People of Sherwood look at yourselves! Go ahead, take a look around. Oh people of Sherwood you been had. Hoodwinked! Bamboozled! Run amuck! We didn't land on Sherwood forest, Sherwood forest landed on us!
Robin Hood: Rabbi!
Rabbi Tuckman: [sticks his head out of his tent] Who calls?
Robin Hood: It is I, Robin of Loxley! We wish to get married in a hurry!
Rabbi Tuckman: Married in a hurry? That's great! Hold on, I'm on my last customer. I'll be right out.
[goes back inside his tent, then something being chopped off is heard, followed by a man screaming. The rabbi comes back out]
Rabbi Tuckman: Put a little ice on it. You'll be fine.
[to Robin]
Rabbi Tuckman: Married in a hurry, married in a hurry! Please invite me to the briss.
Prince John: What can you tell me about Robin of Loxley?
Latrine: Robin of Loxley? Robin of Loxley? Hmm, let me see.
[starts cooking up a potion in her cauldron]
Latrine: Raven's egg! Blood of a hen! A little more blood, yes! Eyeballs of a crocodile! Testicles of a newt! I bet he's a transsexual now! Robin of Loxley is handsome and brave. He seeks to regain his family's honor. Little sod could be trouble.
Prince John: Are you certain?
Latrine: Certain? You want certain, hire yourself a witch! Me, I'm just your cook.
[serves contents of the cauldron]
Latrine: Here, eat that.
[Ahchoo is getting beaten up by a group of soldiers and as Robin who is riding his horse searches for Ahchoo, he suddenly saw Ahchoo getting beaten up by a group of soldiers]
Robin Hood: Ahchoo?
[the soldiers briefly stop beating Ahchoo and face Robin Hood]
Soldiers: Bless you!
[the soldiers continues to beat up Ahchoo]
Ahchoo: Man, I hope someone is getting a video of this!
Ahchoo: [offers to shake hands with Blinkin] Hey, put her there?
Blinkin: How do you do do?
[extends arm that hits Achoo in the gut]
Ahchoo: [hoarsely] I've been better.
Little John: A toll is a toll, and a roll is a roll. And if we don't get no tolls, then we don't eat no rolls. I made that up.
Prince John: Send word to one and all, and all and one... that's a little redundant, isn't it?
Herald: WHAT?
Prince John: Shut up!
Sheriff of Rottingham: [after Robin has fired his shot, hitting the bullseye dead center] Don't worry, Dirty Ezio still has another shot.
Prince John: But he hit the very center of the bullseye... schmuck!
Don Giovanni: Ok, you want plain English: Robin is gonna be dead. D-E-D. Dead.
Filthy Luca: I will take these cotton balls from you with my hand and put them in my pocket.
[Robin is being made to watch Marian's wedding from the gallows]
Abbot: Do you, Sheriff of Rottingham, take Marian of Bahgel to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, till death do you part?
Sheriff of Rottingham: YES I DO! Get on with it!
Abbot: And do you, Marian, vow to do all the stuff I just said?
Sheriff of Rottingham: [to Marian] Say I do, or Robin dies!
Maid Marian: I... I do...
[Ahchoo shoots through Robin's noose]
Maid Marian: NOT!
[Post-movie rap]
Sherwood Forest Rapper-Dancer: [rapping] So that's our story and it worked out good/King Richard's on his throne and Robin's back in the hood/ so let's bid our friends a fine ado/and we'll hope to meet again in Robin Hood 2/ I said hey!
All Sherwood Forest Rapper-Dancers: Hey!
Sherwood Forest Rapper-Dancer: I said hey!
All Sherwood Forest Rapper-Dancers: Hey!
Sherwood Forest Rapper-Dancer: I said
All Sherwood Forest Rapper-Dancers: Hey nonny-nonny. Hey nonny-nonny. Hey nonny-nonny and a-here we go.
Maid Marian: Oh Broomhilde, look! A happy little bluebird! Hello!
[the bird lands on her finger]
Maid Marian: This means I must make a wish. I wish against wish, I hope against hope, that the heavens bring me a kind and wonderful gentleman who possesses the key to my...
[looks at her chastity belt, then looks at Broomhilde]
Maid Marian: heart.
[bird flies away]
Maid Marian: Goodbye, my little friend.
Broomhilde: Ooh, that happy little bluebird has left a happy little do-do on your hand!
Ahchoo: I should have never worn these shoes. They just don't match my purse.
Ahchoo: Blinkin - what's the fastest way to reach the villagers?
Blinkin: Why don't we fox them?
Ahchoo: Fox them!
The Hangman: [In a Jocular mood] Let's see, are you about a 16, 16 1/2?
[mimics hanging himself, then hums as he selects a noose and places it around Robin's neck]
The Hangman: There.
Robin Hood: It's a little tight.
The Hangman: That's the idea. Would you care for a blind fold?
[Robin shakes his head; the hangman raises his eyepatch]
The Hangman: How about half a one? Get it, sir?
[Robin has just been chained in Le Dungeon]
Asneeze: You are very brave for not a homeboy.
Robin Hood: Oh, thank you.
Asneeze: I've been in here for a while. Perhaps I could be of service. Do you have any questions?
Robin Hood: What are you in for?
Asneeze: Jaywalking.
Sheriff of Rottingham: Well, I must say that, uh, Prince John has spared no expense for tonight's party. We have exotic foods from across the seas. Coconuts, bananas, and dates. Would you care for a date?
Maid Marian: Oh, yes, thank you.
Sheriff of Rottingham: How about next Thursday?
Robin Hood: By the by, do you know praying mantis?
Ahchoo: You're looking at him.
Scarlet: I hope she's still wearing her iron underwear.
Creepy man at banquet: [as Maid Marian walks down the stairs] Lovely Bristols.
Dungeon Maitre D': Ah, hello, hello! Welcome, welcome to le dungeon! Hello, I'm Falafel, maitre d' dungeon. Please allow me to show you to your cell. Come.
[Robin hits his head on a beam above the door]
Dungeon Maitre D': Duck. I always forget about that. I'm so sorry, but we cannot seat you without the proper attire.
[indicating the other prisoners]
Dungeon Maitre D': See?
[snapping]
Dungeon Maitre D': Irving.
[a guard puts a fake black beard on Robin]
Dungeon Maitre D': Ah! That's much better. And now I leave you in the capable hands of Muktar. He's our head guard.
[a menacing guard approaches]
Dungeon Maitre D': Please, it's better you cooperate with him. He's a tough guy. And if there's anything you require, please don't hesitate to scream.
[hearing another prisoner scream]
Dungeon Maitre D': Coming! We're so busy!
Robin Hood: It's not gonna be easy getting out of here. What we need is a great feat of strength.
Asneeze: Feat of strength? Au contraire! Now that you are here with me, what we have is great strength of feet!
Robin Hood: [not getting it] Don't follow.
Asneeze: Do as I do. Put your feet on the bar, both feet. Now, on the count of kick... kick!
Robin Hood: [they manage to pry the bar open] Ha ha!
Assistant Saracen Guard: What was that?
[as he comes in, they move it back into position]
Assistant Saracen Guard: What was that noise?
Robin Hood: [playing dumb] Uh, noise? Noise?
Asneeze: Um.. uh, uh, uh, uh... the-the noise you heard was the breaking of this poor man's heart.
Robin Hood: [playing along] Yes, that's it!
[holding his chest]
Robin Hood: Ohh!
Assistant Saracen Guard: What?
Asneeze: He's decided to save his own life by betraying his king. Tsk, tsk, tsk.
Robin Hood: Oh, yes, that's it. Oh, damn my eyes.
Asneeze: So, go. Go tell your superiors before he changes his mind.
Assistant Saracen Guard: Oh, by the love of Allah, this is a wonderful thing!
Robin Hood: [flirting with Marian] Rumors of your beauty have traveled far and wide, yet I see they hardly do you justice.
Prince John: [to Rottingham, under his breath] Quite a smoothie. He's definitely a smoothie.
Sheriff of Rottingham: [in response to a duel challenge, Robin strikes him with an iron gauntlet] That's going to cost you, Locksley.
Robin Hood: Please, put it on my bill.
Sheriff of Rottingham: So, it's come to this, has it? A fight to the death. Mano a mano, man to man. Just you and me and my *GUARDS*!
Robin Hood: Well, it's been a wonderful party and we'd love to stay and all that, but, um, I'm afraid we really must dash. So, ta-ta.
Broomhilde: ["catching" a kiss he blows to Marian] No, no, no!
Robin Hood: [freed from a noose] I believe this belongs to you, sir.
The Hangman: Well, you know what they say. No noose is good noose.
Robin Hood: [in a sword fight with Rottingham] Parry, parry, thrust, thrust. Good!
[Villagers begin throwing food at the archery contest]
Blinkin: Oh good, they've opened the salad bar.
Blinkin: [as Robin fights one of Prince John's knights, Blinkin approaches with a tray of water; Robin doesn't look at the knight and takes a drink] It sounds like we're winning, sire.
Robin Hood: [Finishing his drink] Yes. Very good, Blinkin. Carry on.
Robin Hood: My darling, you're... you're shivering. Are you cold? What are you wearing underneath that cape?
Maid Marian: Practically nothing.
Robin Hood: Ohh...
[as he leans in to kiss her, a clanging is heard]
Maid Marian: Oh, except that. I forgot to tell you about my chastity belt. It's an Everlast.
Robin Hood: [groaning in pain] I'll bet.
Robin Hood: I lost! I lost? Wait a minute, I'm not supposed to lose! Let me see the script.
[Pulls out his script and finds the archery scene]
Robin Hood: Wait! I get another shot?
Maid Marian: Does Robin get another shot?
Sheriff of Rottingham,Prince John: [Pulling out their copies of the script] Yes, he does, he does.
Rabbi Tuckman: I've just come from Maid Marian! The lady whose heart you stole, you Prince of Thieves, you! I knew her mother and father before they were taken in the plague. Lord and Lady Bagelle. You know you were meant for each other. You and Maid Marian. What a combination! Locksley and Bagelle! You can't miss!
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Source: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0107977/quotes/qt0327138
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